Things we all do, things to avoid and some tips & tricks for your 20’s…
The thought of discussing and sharing this topic so publicly is a little daunting for me – trying my best to not over-think – by no means am I any form of life coach or positive preacher… If thats even a thing?
Point being made – it is a post or article I will always find myself reading whenever I come across one. I am always intrigued with what people have to say surrounding this grey area of peoples lives, so I thought I’d somewhat share and explain a few things to!
Without rambling on too much, and whether you’re in your 20’s or not (I thought the ’20’s’ just fitted accordingly, as we all know we’re always learning, growing and evolving) feel free to critique and discuss. I thought I’d openly share some experiences, thoughts, key feelings and beliefs that I try to live by and remind myself of whenever feeling a bit grey, and perhaps you could to! (Be prepared for a lot of bracketed comments and me justifying myself that little bit too much) (sorry in advance)…
Self-acceptance – if you have ever, or regularly experience this, I’ll vouch along with you for it to be listed as most certainly up there when it comes to top 10 mental taunts (not that there’s a list but ya get me). Without dramatising the situation too much, and creating a post that could easily appear like a sob story. I have attempted to validate this annoying ‘thing’ I’m sure many of us have experienced.
Self-acceptance and/or Self-love are feelings I’m sure I will always be familiar with, alongside have ups and downs with, and wishfully one day put them to bed for good. Luckily and a lot earlier than I ever expected, I feel I have a good grasp of this self-love and acceptance thing (still learning but yah). Moving forward from this grasp, I can only share and express how much of a waste-of-time this ‘can-be’ fixation is.
You often hear the saying “when you reach your 30’s a lot of what you experienced and felt in your 20’s becomes very irrelevant” – I’m relating this to self-acceptance – and I’m aiming to not feel like this.. Why you say?? As I wizz through my 20’s and later rather than sooner into my 30’s I simply aim to feel happy with what I have experienced and contently continue to grow alongside different parts good&bad of my personality. I want very little “I wish I wasn’t so hard on myself” and “Why did I think that of myself” because I’ve been there from my later teens and It’s not worth it… Making mistakes are normal and I can accept them, but I feel personal image regrets of myself will be the ones I’ll struggle with.. hence why I’m working on them now!!
The mental taunt of self-acceptance is down to you to control it. Try not and seek reassurance and settle in knowing that some day you could have ‘peace of mind’, and some day you could feel internally fulfilled. Begin to challenge yourself now… It’s the only way to grow as a person and the only way I realised I was able to move forward.
Uhum, not really holding back in regards to self-sabotaging topics (I know) – I’m sure we all enjoy reading and hearing about them – but do we ever actually speak about them?… This isn’t an on-going big time issue for me buuut I’ve definitely been there, and for sure felt this. It’s easy to flood your mind with all kinds of crippling comparison based thoughts; Why am I not good enough for Y? Is it because I’m not as pretty as X? Why is my lifestyle and family life not the same as X’s? Why do I not have the same friends as X? My life would be 10x better if it was just like X’s … I’v tried to paint the picture okay? Hopefully you’ve caught on.
If you do ‘why X this? and why Y that’ with people you see online, whether they have a big following or not, or you briefly know them from school or old friends or whatever, the majority of the time it is a scandal of portrayal you are comparing your own lives to. However, you must also remember that there is a statistical amount of people who are genuinely happy, and enjoy sharing their lives through social media. It’s hard to try and mentally balance out the two.. Am I riiight or am I right?? People portray images of how they wish to be perceived, (I think it’s just a generation thing we have going on, we can all be guilty of it) and I don’t think it’s going anywhere for a while; It’s extremely accessible and why would people shy away from something that has potential to make them feel better about themselves?
To avoid Comparison, literally just rationalise the situations, somewhat like I have just explained above. Life online isn’t real life, and I feel we need more reassurance to help people break down comparing thoughts and bringing things back to reality. Personally and unfortunately I feel that the whole ‘comparison’ thing is based around being online. Like I said, rationalise situations and just remind yourself that is not a true representation of that person. Directing all of your attention on you.
A weird one to write about. I feel like I need reminding of this in many area’s, frequently. In life It is ridiculously easy to speed up, wish things were over with, crave the ‘next chapter’ and so on.
What I want to get at is to remember to be patient with people, especially the ones you’re close to. 90% of the time you’re fully consumed by what you have going on in your life, and 80% of the time – fair enough! Neglecting the other 20% which should be more of a priority – checking in and making time for the ones you wish to be surrounded by!
Nowadays you come across many people who feel they’re entitled to something back for their time, effort, or any kind of contribution they make… This can be in relationships, friendships and even within family dynamics. Because of this, it’s easy to avoid and become very selective of people.
My point being: You know who your main pals are, and who shares the same page as you – Don’t dismiss them when they check in and you haven’t spoken for a while, everyone has some form of frantic and busy lifestyle, being patient and prioritising them people will benefit your well-being and fulfilment in the long-term.
We all have them, and I (especially) don’t think I could survive without them. Categorising this down to many things, otherwise I will continue to go on and on and on – and just to point out.. My aim is to not be Miss Negative Nono sulking in the corner, but when these days occur… I kind of am. I’m unappreciative of what I have, or how I look, or where ‘I am in life’ … General social pressures make us/me feel as if we should be accomplishing and discovering the next big things, earning big time ££ and not forgetting social media as a focal point for many people’s problems – Understandably everything becomes overwhelming; your ‘down days’ occur and you can just shut down.
Now, being the type of person I am and suffering from waste-a-day-phobia… this is a real thing right?? I used to d e s p i s e these ‘down days’, I hated that I felt unmotivated and flat in mood for what I thought was for no apparent reason, and thats when I began to learn and manage everything I have spoken about in this post…
Acceptance – Accepting the down days for what they are and using them to revitalise and pamper myself.
Comparison – Comparing myself to others is literally the biggest waste of my time, it will never ever change anything and is just a waste of energy.
Patience – Being patient with my whereabouts in life, taking tips from people older than me: in literally not wishing my life away – that’s another thing I’m trying to really work with – listening to people who have ‘been there done that’ I’m learning that their advice is normally right.